I obviously haven’t been feeling 100% myself lately.  And if you’ve heard my music, or seen me play, you know my songs are personal.  And even though none of the songs on my set last night were anything about what’s going on, it still struck a note with me.  I couldn’t remember the words, the chords, I felt like I couldn’t even stand up straight.  It’s so hard that I’m one of those people that other people believe is generally happy, and I wear my emotions so well, so when I’m really down and out, people know.  It’s tough, because I’m going to at least feel this way for a little longer.

I swear I’m going to think myself to death, and I can’t help.  He says he wants to stay friends, but what does that even mean?  When is it appropriate to try to hang out sometime?  Or do we just maybe run into each other?  It’s going to be awkward.  And I wonder if he knows that he hurt me.  I know he didn’t intend to, and he sounded sad on the phone.  I guess I just wonder if we’ll ever actually talk again, and really be friends, and how long I have to wait for that.  Has he even thought of me since?

Anyway, when I finally let myself have fun last night, it was a good time. It was a really fun night, and I was so honored to have been invited to play for such an awesome cause.  And I was so angry that I was bummed out.  I stayed most of the night, and then stumbled home, and I certainly fell right to sleep.

This morning I woke up, dusted myself off and went out for a walk/jog.  I was really slow, but I haven’t exactly been eating much lately so I just didn’t have the energy.  But I know that I really want to stick to the running and trying to better myself, because I don’t feel comfortable with my body and I never have.  I want to be happy with my appearance, and I also want to be happy about the things I choose to do with my life.  Playing a show to raise money for a Rock camp for girls, is fucking awesome, and I feel really good about that.